Recovery from a Breakup
For Men
Renowned anthropologist Helen Fisher, in her book Why We Love, poses that testosterone can reduce the chemistry of male-female attachment.
She states that there is ample evidence that men in committed romantic relationships have lower levels of testosterone than single men. As a man’s marriage becomes less stable, his levels of testosterone rise. With divorce or seperation, his testosterone levels rise even more.
According to Fisher, increased levels of testosterone can decrease levels of vasopressin and oxytocin – the very chemicals responsible for male-female attachment. When scientists surgically pumped testosterone into monogamous male sparrows, these faithful fathers abandoned their nests, their young, and their wives to court other females....
For Women
Many separations are characterized by blame, shame and criticism, often with considerable anger and resentment. When this is deconstructed it almost always comes from a place of grief, and it is this underlying sadness that Conscious Uncoupling addresses. This grief is rooted in the loss of the dreams, hopes and the contract of permanent attachment with all the support and love that that entails.
Once they feel that their pain is acknowledged many couples find that it is easier to accept that being negative and vindictive is as harmful to them as to their soon-to-be-ex. The old adage that anger is like taking poison and expecting the other to die is no truer than within a divorce scenario.
For You Both
Researchers who've looked at the brains of the lovelorn say that loss, especially rejection by a romantic partner, lights up areas of the brain that are associated with addiction. This can lead to psychological reactions that cause obsessive preoccupation with your partner, feelings of frenzied desperation, guilt over what you could have done differently and even physical pain. Letting go for good seems unimaginable.
Trust me, as both a relationship therapist and a veteran of countless breakups myself, I've seen it all and I get it. What I've discovered along the way is that you need a holistic approach to getting over a breakup, one that addresses the four core areas: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The following are highly effective strategies from the healing section my book using each of those four core areas to get you on the road to recovery from that breakup -- fast.